Something More: Seeking the More of God

While they were talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you”.  They were startled and terrified and thought they were seeing a ghost.  Jesus said, “Why are you frightened and why do doubts arise in your heart?” . . .  While in their joy they were disbelieving and still wondering, he said “Do you have anything to eat?”  They gave him a piece of broiled fish and he took it and ate in their presence.”  Luke 24:36-43

Thank you, Gospel writer, that you expressed joy, disbelief and wonder in the same sentence!  If the disciples can feel these emotions all at the same time, then maybe it’s ok for me to do the same.  I hope so because I’ve felt this way much of the summer! 

“I am anxious.”

“I know God hears my prayer.”

“Suppose this happens?”

“God is the God of peace.”

“Why is this happening, Lord?”

“I wonder how this is going to work out.”

All these thoughts, feelings, emotions in a matter of 30 seconds!

Since late May, I’ve been on a health journey that has brought many of these thoughts and feelings.  Tests, results, more tests, more blood work, results, biopsy, more tests, results.  I’ve been scared, then confident, then unsure, then irritated, then just plain tired of thinking about it. 

Then I read “While in their joy they were disbelieving and still wondering” – yep!  That’s the way I’ve felt.  Believing in God’s goodness and wondering what will happen.  Living in God’s goodness even when I’m filled with fear.

So where does this find me at the end of the summer?  My health is stable.  I have some answers.  I have some working theories.  Most of all, I have an understanding that it’s ok to feel disbelief, wonder and joy all at the same time.  God stands with us in every emotion.

The Message paraphrases the Luke passage this way:  “Jesus said, ‘Don’t be upset, and don’t let all these doubting questions take over’ . . . The disciples still couldn’t believe what they were seeing.  It was too much; it seemed too good to be true.”

Holy Lord, remind me when everything seems too much and I am filled with fear, you are my Peace.  Amen.