The following blog post is part 3 of my journey with Covid this summer.
During the journey, I ended up in the emergency room with breathing difficulty and high blood pressure. It was my 60th birthday – not exactly my idea of a party. After a variety of tests and examination, the physician told me that one of the blood tests indicated that the pumping of my heart had been affected by the virus. All I could think was Daddy’s cardiomyopathy started when he was in his early 60’s. I knew his road for the next 20 years – one that involved multiple medicines and procedures. When I moved the scales to our kitchen to monitor my fluid retention, I remembered Daddy doing the same thing. My fears were quickly taking me down this road.
Thankfully I was not admitted to the hospital. “Take the fluid pills and rest.” I began to feel better in a few days. Yet, the fear of damage to my heart still nagged at me. Was my heart pumping like it should? Was this the beginning of long-term cardiomyopathy? Was this something that would go away?
From my journal – 8/12/20 – Yesterday I had the echo and an EKG. Good results! No issues with my heart – function has returned to normal!
Thank you, Lord. It’s still going to take time to be 100% – yet it can happen slowly – I am so thankful for the community of faith. So many people rejoiced with me.
One of the holy moments yesterday was the medical assistant who checked me in. She talked with me, asked all the questions necessary (including what I did for a living) and then she said she was going to do an EKG.
Then her voice became very quiet and she said, “and while I do this test, I want you to say Psalm 91 to yourself and then I want you to remember Isaiah 53 – ‘by His stripes you are healed.’ ”
She was looking at me directly, eye to eye. She said “You are accustomed to give and give to others. Now you need to receive. Receive the healing – receive the blessing – Yes, you have symptoms and yes, God is with you.”
It was like God was speaking directly into my soul through her. God – You were indeed doing this – speaking directly into my eyes. From behind my mask, I told her if she could see my mouth, she’d know that I was smiling. She said she could see it in my eyes.
Lord Jesus, thank you for this holy moment! It was so reassuring. So important in the moment!
It was not preachy words to me – She was with me – She was Christ with me!
The medical assistant had no knowledge of my nagging fears. She didn’t know that I was imagining a path of long-term cardiac issues. She didn’t know that I was fearful of having stamina to coach, lead a retreat, play with future grandchildren, plant flowers or just walk upstairs without shortness of breath. She didn’t know how my fear was clouding my future.
She simply responded to God’s movement within her and allowed herself to be an instrument of Christ. She didn’t preach to me. She didn’t “guilt me” that I shouldn’t be fearful. She just reminded me that Christ was with me. Indeed, she was Christ with me.
She will never know how Christ used her in that moment.
She responded to Christ’s leading.
May I do the same.